New Church Dictates the Jailed Must Get Steak, Lobster, Internet

Separation of Church & State means a prison can’t tell you what to eat. They can’t force you to eat pork and, this church hopes, they cannot deny you lobster.

Jails are terrible [citation needed] and inmates often do anything they can just to feel like they have an ounce of control in their lives.

Dietary hassles are not just the beginning, they’re also usually the end.

If you require a kosher or halal diet, jailers and wardens are legally required to provide them. Not so if you’re vegan, because there is no vegan religion.

But there is a religion out there that says you must be provided weekly steak and lobster, as well as daily internet access. Or at least, one preacher is hoping so.

If you’re in jail, correction officers cannot deny your right to stop for prayer in accordance with your faith, even if that means a five-times daily ritual.

While Muslims are routinely denied some of their prayer rituals (at least in some places,) the practice often results in lawsuits, and that’s because the Koran is not explicit with jail rules.

This church is (or will be, once it’s legitimized,) very specific and unwaveringly clear that these rules apply to inmates, and that they cannot be waived or taken.

If you are denied access to these, and other equally reasonable requirements, you will go to hell, plain and simple.

Watch the super serious 4-minute sermon

This is an excerpt from my upcoming pocast, 4K Glossy News Review – Comedy, Lifestyle & Technology. The Podcast debuts July 27th, 2015 in resolution all the way up to 4K. Please subscribe to my channel.

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